Remi was in love. He was in love, and he was terrified. At first he thought it was just friendship, but there was no denying that lurch in his heart, that spasm of fear when Josh looked at him. Their friendship had been the easiest thing in the world, like ice melting on a hot day, but something about Josh’s smiles changed everything. Josh held a secret in those smiles, something unsaid, something held back. The friendship deepened, but the secret remained. Remi held his breath.
Remi’s heart knew the language of Josh’s smiles. It took the words etched into the corners of Josh’s mouth and pumped that message through every cell of Remi’s body. Before long, Remi’s own secret grew to match Josh’s. So when they would meet and talk, the secret of the smiles felt safe to spread to eyes and looks, sometimes with direct eye contact and other times with a corner of the eye sideways glance. The vulnerability of looking and being seen made Remi feel closer to Josh even as it overwhelmed him. Remi cherished his unspoken feelings, but suppressed the urge to share them more overtly. He was not ready to bring this secret into the light.
Remi gave this secret power over him. It locked his confession behind a door, his words beating silenting against that door in time to Remi’s pulse. Eventually Remi’s smiles faded, stifled behind bit lips. Josh seemed to understand this transformation, his own smiles fading, concern and worry drawing his eyes repeatedly to Remi now. “Do you want to know a secret?” Josh said, catching Remi’s gaze with his own. Remi blinked and looked away, but nodded assent.
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